she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
