you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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