We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
