my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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