i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
