I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
