He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
