I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
