He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
