I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
