I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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