I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
