so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
