haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize