Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
