How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
