when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
