i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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