Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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