note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
