i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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