He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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