I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
