so explain again why im purple
no
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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