Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How's work?
Spinning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
