That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
