It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
