He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drunk is a universal language darling
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
