she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
