Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
