I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
