dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
