an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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