she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
