you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
time to smoke my breakfast
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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