Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
