Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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