I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
