She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
