She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
