We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
