Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
