I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
