I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize