it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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