This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
