She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
