that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My penis needs a shock collar
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
