Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
