Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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