I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize