I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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