New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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