Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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