Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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