I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
