i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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