were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
