he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize