She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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