Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
