Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
