We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
