i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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