he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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