so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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